Pamala was a little princess who had her daddy’s heart. She ran his bath water, set his tea to boil, saw favoritism directed her way. She was the center of his world. Sat quietly while he talked with the men seated around the table. She felt like her father was God himself who had come to earth to be her dad.
Her life was like a dream. She did not have a care in the world. Her father took care of most all her needs. He worked five days, went to school at night, preached and managed church on the weekends. He had a full life and the children enjoyed the bounty of being a preacher’s kid
Pamala went to church with her daddy every Sunday, watched him preach from the pew. He preached the word of God. His voice was so powerful he made the people say, Amen.
His sermon reached a crescendo and spread all the way throughout the church. Women shouted and fanned themselves; the deacons gave him a stand. The piano player banged on the keys and children closed their eyes because sleep had found them. Soon the church was swaying all the way to heaven. Pamala lived in a dream world.
Then something happened. A little baby girl came along and stole her daddy’s heart. At one year old Sonya came to sleep in sister’s room with Pamala and Denise. Baby girl captured dad with her coos, giggles, and laughs. Denise and Pamala did not know what to make of this little girl.
Pamala ran to the outside world to look for love and found it among friends and neighborhood boys. Boys that looked just like her dad. She wanted them to give her love, only it did not happen that way.
This teen aged girl engaged in sex as a substitute. She was addicted to pleasure. Soon was lost in ecstasy. Many years later, she found her way back from her sexual pursuits.
All the while, she was building a lofty state of life that could stand in the place of life falling away. Her feminine essence emerged as vast as the ocean that no man could touch. She found a new home and a way to be in her new found space. That secret place out reach from anyone. She was a black woman coming of age in American with its chauvinistic undertones.
Through the sex, anger, and fear emerged a woman who now stands on her own. She carved out a place through the pain, tears, and suffering. Nevertheless, like the ocean that contains all rivers, she has accepted her past. Knows it will always be a part of her, only the ocean is now her home.
She left behind an old life where men owned her body. They had her body but not her soul. She saved that special gift for herself. Fifty years later, she has grown into full womanhood.